Goals –Friend or Foe

I am coming to grips with my situation and the tilted reality of what it means to have goals in your life. I have goals (or you could call them dreams). One goal I had was to shed unwanted “cuteness” by a certain date, which didn’t happen. I didn’t achieve perfection. However, I did loose some weight and I am still motivated to keep trying. I may have not made my short-term goal, but I have momentum and I will keep working on myself until I am successful. It is just going to take longer than I originally thought. For me –part of my goal was reached. My goals are fluid. As long as I know that I am committed to the process and will keep striving to improve, then I am okay with the results.

While this idea of goal setting and ongoing results works for me in my personal life, it doesn’t work in the corporate world. If you are given 10 goals to achieve and you only achieve eight, then you can find yourself on the unemployment line without warning.

I have always thought of goal setting as a positive tool to help an individual improve and grow. Well, I am now privy to a more negative and despicable use of goal setting– as fodder to remove a trusting employee. You give the employee goals to strive for, offer them very little assistance, ignore the eight goals that were met and focus on the two that weren’t accomplished, throw in some false expectations and then you are able to dismiss them like scrapping gum from your shoe.

The important lesson I learned is to judge yourself by your own character and not the action or character of others.

Even though, I have experienced the underhanded use of goal setting, I will hold to my belief that goals “help” me become a better person and are a positive influence in my life–like a good friend.

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Hot Spot–not Hot

I am sitting in Starbucks getting my caffeine fix which is a rare treat, since Mocha Frappicinos can turn into an expensive habit, both financially and calorie wise. Being an occasional patron of this delicious franchise I have never had the need to use their wireless connection, until today. To my surprise the connection is not FREE!

Boy, Starbucks and T-mobile get you both coming and going, with coffee and internet it runs about twelve bucks. However, I refuse to pay $7.00 to surf the internet here. Why would I, when I have wifi at home and there are other coffee houses and cafes that offer it to their customers for free. The fee for wireless has just gives me another reason not to frequent Starbucks. I am truly disappointed. I had envisioned myself as an intelligent type, sitting with my blended coffee in a crowded coffeehouse surfing and blogging my heart out. Instead, I gave the faux impression of being studious as I blogged this entry only to post later when I actually could get online. So much for Starbuck’s T-mobile Hot Spot—not Hot at all.

OpenID site — .Name –is an interesting tool for a busy woman

I love the web!  I just found another nifty site .Name, which is an openID site.  It is where you can register your name and use it as your personal email.  (i.e. Jill Smith is jill@smith.name) So I have a new email address and anything that arrive at that address will go to my yahoo account!  I just started playing with my home page at the site.  It is similar to the Google email dashboard, which you can customize with all sorts of widgets.  I now have the weather forecast for my city, my twitter and local TV listing on it.  It is great!  I can continue to customize it to have my blog, podcast, pictures and videos all in one location, that is unique to me@myname.name

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Wireless is The Only Way To Go!

It has been a month since I posted about getting a wireless router, and it has taken me almost 3 weeks to figure out why I couldn’t get my home computer online with the new router. Tech support was a bust! Entire weekend wasted. In a moment of clarity one morning, I was able to figured out it was an TCP/IP issue and now it works and the kids have a computer that they can use to get online. Who needs tech support? Not me!

This last week, I got my VPN stick and now I can access my work files making my telecommuting life a breeze. Even with my slow connection, it beat being in a cube. I get to listen to music and I can actually see outside—trees and sun, or even the fog. It is so much better than the gray cube walls and florescent lighting of work. I tell you “a laptop and wireless connection is the only way to work.”

So with my new found freedom, I can be online at all hours of the day or evening. It allows me to be with the kids in the evening, while I am online doing homework, logging in my calories or doing work. It is great! My laptop is with me where ever I go now. I carry it from room to room, we are inseparable.

As I write this, I wonder though if this is really freedom or a new form of electronic shackle? Just a thought! Either-way, I am still not willing to cast this shackles off yet. I am happy with my electronic leash, for now.

Wireless Networks at Walmart

I work at a pretty cool company and they will allow me to telecommute one or two days a week, the problem is I don’t have WiFi at home, and can’t really afford a wireless router.

“I know they are only like fifty-bucks at Fry’s Electronics, but hey, school is starting next week and the kids need supplies, so there just isn’t a dime to spare.” 

Being “fiscally-challenged,” has been the norm for so long that it has caused me to become an avid “Wal-Mart” shopper.  (I don’t agree with their practice, but I do agree with their prices.)

So I checked out walmart.com and sure enough, they have wireless-routers, and they even told me which store has them in stock.  Of course, the store closest to me, doesn’t have them, but there is one not to far away.  This evening, I am going to take my Walmart credit card and head two cities away to purchase a wireless router for the home.  I am excite, it is going to mean more time I can spend with my family and more freedom for me. 

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ScribeFire–Cool Little Tool!

Mozzila’s browser FireFox2 is quickly becoming, “My All Time Favorite,” with all the cool add-ons and tools. I use it for the css editing and now I am composing this little post with “ScribeFire” a cool widget that lets you blog on the spot. How cool is that! Your surfing the net and come across something that gets your creative juices flowing and you hit the little orange scribe icon in the right-hand corner and a way you go! Laying down your ideas on the fly. It is super easy, even a novice can use the WSIWIG that pops up. If you can use Word, then you can use ScribeFire.

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The Holocaust of Feminism

I was watching a new show. “The Power of 10,” with Drew Carey as the host.  He asked the question “What percentage of women consider themselves Feminist?”  I was shocked when the meter said 29%.  Are today’s women to complacent?  Have they forgotten what their sisters had to endure?  Don’t they understand that women today still don’t have equal pay for equal work?  That we only make 78 cents to every dollar a man earns?

The reality that women today don’t feel they need to fight for their rights is scary to me.  It reminds me of the holocaust.  Many people just want to forget the holocaust happened.  Some people say it never really did.  The Jewish people suffered greatly and almost 6 million people died.  My Jewish friends pass down the history and say, “never forget.”  I had the privilege to befriend a survivor; she was a sweet woman, who was happy and gregarious.  She said, her positive disposition kept her alive in the camp.  She survived.  She tells the tale.  There are museums and monuments to remember this atrocity.  We must remember it, lest history will be repeated. 

But what about the American women and girls of today, why do they not rally in the streets, demanding equality?  Why does our society accept the derogation of women in every type of media?  Why do we as a society pay homage to misogynistic musician and make them rich?  Where is the outcry of women?

As we move through the age of technology, I see more and more, it being used to exploit and harm women.  Girls of today are being socialized through the media and the Internet to turn into “Barbies.”   You can see a bright intelligent girl, reach her teens and then crumble under the peer pressure not to succeed and especially not to be smarter than her male counterparts.   The rate of teenage plastic surgery is on the rise in this country, because our society has a skewed value system based on superficial look.  Women and girls are not valued for their intelligence, and yet no one is saying a word.

How can we as Americans come so far, and yet digressed so much?  Women of today must take a stand, as other great women in history.  We must remember the women who walked in the streets to get us the vote.  We must remember that women and African Americans were not allowed to hold “white collar” jobs before WWII.  And most importantly, we must remember the women who died in back alleys or on kitchen tables from blotched home abortions because it wasn’t legal.  We must remember all the women who march and fought to give women the “right to choose”.  Mothers should tell their children of the injustice of the past, lest history repeats.

Now is not the time for women to be complacent.  Now, more than any other time in the history of this great nation is the time to “Fight.”  We are on the cusp of a new era, with Hillary Clinton running for president, and we must take a stand.  If Hillary takes the White House, then women need to step up and demand our voices be heard.  We need to do this for our daughters and for the women of the future.

From “Debbie” to Deborah

Jody Foster has a new movie coming out called “The Brave One.” It is about a woman who suffers a terrible loss and a brutal attack only to become a vigilante dishing out justice in dark alleys and subways. When Terrence Howard, the cop who is working her case, asked her how she “pulled it all together after something like that happened to her?” She responds with “you become another person.”

That is what I had to do– I became Deborah.
When you suffer extreme loss, pain and brutality, and you survive it, you have two choices: curl-up in a ball and die or forge through the chaos and desolation to emerge another person.

If you are lucky, there maybe some remnants of the “old” you. For me, there is my “first” family, one friend who calls on my birthday, and few tattered pictures still remaining to remind me of my past “unobtainable self” that was “Debbie”.

“Debbie” was a party girl! She had a family, a nice car, and plenty of friends with plenty of money. She was young and wild, and ignorant to the fact that her life was actually very good. She always wanted “more” and “better”.

Debbie was a “high maintenance” babe, who loved to shop. She ran two miles everyday; she was fit, out-going and comfortable in any situation. She mingled with “Low Riders,” “Hell’s Angels,” “speed freaks” and danced the night away at the hottest nightclubs and gay bars in the city. She enjoyed spending lazy afternoons sipping “Dom Perignon” poolside at her friend’s exclusive home, or going on excursions to Neiman Marcus to find the latest addition of Waterford Crystal.

I will not bore you with the gory details of how “Debbie” was destroyed or how “Deborah” rose from the rumble. The wounds are deep, and the tale is to long for me to blog about it now. I can’t do that yet.

What I can share with you is my life as “Deborah”.
I am a hardworking single parent, who weighs twice as much as “Debbie” did. My friends are few, and my life is dedicated to my children. I attend church and “partying” to me now means, “pizza and video’s” with the kids. Our apartment is furnished with used furniture and I never have enough money to make it through the month. The majority of my purchases are made at “Wal-mart” and the “dollar store”.

Like “Debbie”, I want “more” and “better”.
However when I feel this longing for yesteryear’s “carefree” lifestyle or I am over rot with the depressive weight of my current life, my daughter BJ, who witnessed my metamorphosis, is always there to lift my spirits and remind me that I have come “so far” and have “achieved so much.”

You see “Debbie” has come through the maelstrom that was her life and made a new one in Deborah.

Simpsons-mania

Tomorrow is the opening of the long awaited Simpsons movie, and where you turn there is something Simpson. I have been watching the Simpsons since before they were famous, way back when they were a cartoon skit on the Tracy Ullman Show.

The characters have evolved and the drawing has improved over the years. I read somewhere they have been around for 18 years. My children, much to my “chagrin,” have grown up on them.

Although I am an avid fan of this dysfunctional yellow family I didn’t think I would go into “Simpson-Mania” over the release of their upcoming movie; but after being inundated by the ads on Fox and my trip to a local “Kwik-E-Mart,” I am hooked.

For two weeks straight, Homer has been running a cross my TV screen splashing it with yellow paint, while the “o” in the Fox logo has morphed into a pink glazed doughnut. Burger King ads are promoting Simpsonizeme.com, which will make you into a Simpson character and there is even Simpson’s theme set for your MySpace page. With all this hype it is no wonder that I have full-blown “Simpson-Mania”.

My Trip to the Kwik-E-Mart

Our community was “blessed” to host one out of the eleven nation-wide conversions of a local 7-11 store into Abu’s fictional store in honor of the upcoming movie.

I was transported to Springfield, home of the Simpsons this last weekend as I visited this sacred shrine, the Kwik-E-Mart. The store was loaded with “Simpson-istic” food items and cutout characters from the series were strategically placed. Comic Book Guy, was of course by the comic books. Ralphie, was by the ice creams, Maggie was on top of the Buzz Cola machine, and Homer was at the condiment stand touting a hot dog. Last but not least, Police Chief Wigum’s cutout was on top of the case of sprinkled pink glaze doughnuts.

My “mania” peaked with the two purchases I made on Saturday, a can of Buzz Cola and of course one of those “uuuhhhhhhhhggg” pink glaze circles of heaven. I shared the “tasty bit of joy” with a friend and it was so sweet, my teeth hurt And both of our tongues turned Day-Glo pink—awww good times.

That little treat was enough to have me hooked. Once I finished it, I wanted more and was kicking myself for not buy a full box or even two like many of the other Kwik-e patrons.

Under the guise of wanting the kids to see the store, I returned on Sunday only to find a line out the door and once inside all those delicious pink dreams were gone, along with most of the other specialty items.

The kids got “Squishies” and some hostess doughnuts (a poor substitute) and we went on our way. It has been four days since our last trip and with the Movie premiering tomorrow, life will return to normal and my mania will pass.
Until Next Time….

Not Unique, But Also Not Dr. Deborah Firsch

What do you do when you think you are unique and clever, and you find you’re not that special? It happened to me today.

I am so excite about my blog and the name I chose for it. Debonics—what a play on words. Deb and ebonics, it fits me perfectly. Not because all I speak is ebonics, but because I considered ebonics to be a distinct language and I sometimes seem to have a unique idiolect myself.

What a blow to my ego today when I looked up “my” Debornics on technorati and found not only my blog posts; but an unrelated post referring to debonics as a language created by another Deb.

“My” name, which I thought a clever play-on-words, has rather negative connotations attached to it in this other blog.

“My” tag, which I was so “pleased as punch” with when I created it, is now linking me to someone else out there on the web who is be-smudging it.

The one thing that was clear from the other post is that the author is not fond of this Dr. Deb. He claims she spouts a very distorted vernacular that is offensive, and he is trying to warn people away from this offensive woman.

What I am not clear on is whether he is legitimate or just vindictive.

Either way, now I feel that I need a disclaimer and that I must emphasize that I AM NOT that Deb, Debbie, or Doc Deb Frisch of Arizona or Eugene OR, nor does “my” debonics name have anything to do with her language.

It may not be as unique as I had hoped, but it is still “my” ID and it is here to stay.

–Acknowledgement: After researching the internet and now receiving several comments to this post, it seems there is some legitimacy to the other blog’s claim that Dr. Deb is infamous on the web.  It was disheartening to make this discovery; however, it does not alter my claim to the name “Debonics”.